He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
