Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
