Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
