It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
