omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
