no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
