Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
