Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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