ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i out mim tonsoeep
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
