Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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