She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
