Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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