I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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