your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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