I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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