every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
