after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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