So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
