everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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