i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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