everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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