This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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