I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
