Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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