one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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