White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
