hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
