her vagina looked like bernie madoff
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
