Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You're like the curious george of whores
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
