the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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