would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
