Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
