I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
