party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
