What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
