You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I am morally bankrupt
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
