i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
organizing the empties. That sober.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
