in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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