That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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