I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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