i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
