I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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