So drunk its hurt
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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