He kissed a someone with a penis
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am one with the molecules
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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