Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
