Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
