My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
