I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
