How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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