Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
