So drunk, too bad you don't want this
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Shame - the story of my life.
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