sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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