Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
