How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
