i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
