she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
