The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
