fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
