I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
