need another drink. this is the easiest way
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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