More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
