You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
