I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
