Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
