Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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