Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
