Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
