hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
