Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
