so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
