her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
