Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I AM VODKA MAN
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
