Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
